A Longing So Strong
by MorningStorm666
Summary: Things don't quite work out the way Wendy had hoped when she expresses her feelings for Bebe.


Since the age of fifteen, Wendy Testaburger had been madly in love with her best friend Bebe Stevens. Of this, she had absolutely no doubt. For the first year or two, she wondered if it was just a phase of infatuation and not really true love. After all, that's what her parents, the only two people she had trusted with her secret to that point, believed at first. But the feelings persisted through the years until Wendy was into her early twenties.

She had always _wanted_ to tell Bebe how she felt, ask her if she felt the same, but there was just one problem. Bebe _always_ had a boyfriend. Wendy couldn't bring herself to throw Bebe's relationship and/or their friendship into such turmoil by expressing a feeling that, in all likelihood, wouldn't be reciprocated. So she bided her time, waiting for Bebe to become single and stay that way for a little while. Telling her these feelings the week after one of her breakups probably would not yield good results, regardless of how good or bad said breakup ended.

But Bebe never became single, or so it seemed. It made sense, she was one of the prettiest girls in school with a personality and a smile that were like a ray of sunshine, or at least that's how Wendy perceived her. Wendy reasoned that she'd have a shot after senior year when high school was over and they were all headed off to college. But things didn't work out that way. Bebe had a serious relationship with Kyle that lasted for three years, until their sophomore year of college, when they finally broke up just before the Christmas break.

During Kyle's and Bebe's relationship, Wendy really did feel that she would never be able to confess her feelings. She felt that they would be together for life, but resolved that she would stand by her best friend and be there for her even if it meant being alone. Even if it meant going to sleep alone every night. She _knew_ in her heart that no other man or woman on Earth would mean as much to her as Bebe.

But as luck would have it, Wendy did get her chance to tell Bebe her true feelings on that fateful Christmas break, about a month after her breakup with Kyle. It was on a quiet winter evening, when Bebe came over to visit her. They hadn't seen each other the entire semester since they went to different colleges.

Wendy saw Bebe's car approach in her driveway and park. She hurried excitedly to the door to let her friend in. Bebe stepped in, out of the dark evening sky, as a burst of freezing wind followed her. She took off her coat and shoes and gave her best friend a hug. Wendy hugged her tight, the emotional warmth even more pleasing than the physical warmth. They said their hellos and went into the living room to sit down on the couch and catch up on what was happening in each others' lives. Wendy's parents were away late that night and the TV as well as most of the lights were off. Bebe and Wendy were sitting in Wendy's living room, which was quiet and dimly lit.

"I missed you a lot," Bebe told Wendy, starting the conversation.

"I missed you more," Wendy smiled back at her. That was probably true.

"Well, let me tell you something, I am _done_ with men for quite a while," Bebe said decisively, gesturing with her hands.

"Really?" Wendy asked, trying to hide her hopefulness, "Why? Tell me more."

"I don't know," Bebe replied, "Kyle was great while we were together. But… we just want different things in life. And at the moment, I'm pretty tired of relationships not working out."

"Yeah, me too," Wendy added.

"What do you mean?" Bebe asked, "You haven't had a boyfriend since ninth grade."

"I meant… I'm tired of your relationships not working out," Wendy was nervous, but Bebe laughed which calmed her anxiety a bit.

"Everyone in my life should be by now," Bebe chuckled.

"Yeah, but especially me," Wendy replied.

"Why you so much?" Bebe asked curiously.

Wendy took a deep breath. Silence for a brief moment. Now was as good a time as any to tell Bebe her true feelings. She might have someone else by the time they saw each other next.

"Because I've been waiting for you," Wendy began, "For years. For years I've wanted you to become single so I could tell you. I love you, I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life, I want to wake up by your side. I just never told you before because I didn't want to interfere with you and your boyfriend. But I love you and I just can't say enough how much I do."

Bebe stared at Wendy's pleading face for moment, in shock. She could see the sincerity in Wendy's eyes. Then Bebe let out a deep sigh, much like Wendy had. There was a moment of pause before she spoke.

"Wendy," Bebe began sadly, her voice sounding down, she spoke somewhat slowly, "I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way about you. I mean, I love you deeply, but… platonically. You're my best friend, and I wouldn't change that for the world."

"I'm sorry," Wendy sniffled and a few tears came down her cheeks. She stared at the ground, hunched over, sitting on the edge of her couch.

"You don't have to be sorry," Bebe hugged Wendy from behind, "It's your honest feelings and I don't have any problem with you feeling that way. I'm just glad you care about me as much as I do about you." Wendy turned around and hugged Bebe back.

"Please always be in my life," Wendy said tenderly.

"I won't just always be in your life," Bebe pulled out of the hug and looked into Wendy's eyes, "I can promise you; you'll _always_ be one of the top five most important people in mine."

"You can't imagine how much that means to me," Wendy hugged Bebe again.

"Oh yes I can," Bebe smiled.

"And it doesn't bother you if this is kind of gay?" Wendy laughed a bit, lightening the mood.

"Hey, if you don't look at least a little gay around your best friend once in a while, are you really best friends?" Bebe asked playfully.

Wendy laughed hard, "I guess not."

The rest of the evening went well and they returned to normal, lighter conversation topics, watched TV, and ordered pizza. It was a good night. When it was time for Bebe to leave, Wendy gave her a tight hug again.

"Are you sure you're okay? Even knowing about my, um… non-platonic love?" Wendy asked, needing one final reassurance.

"Yes, don't worry about it," Bebe assured her, "That's not going to impede our friendship in any way. I'm one hundred percent comfortable around you. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Wendy replied.

"I love you Wendy, I'll see you later," Bebe said as she made her way towards her car to go home.

"I love you too," Wendy replied happily, meaning it platonically this time.

All was well with Wendy until she lied down to go to bed that night. As much as she cared about her best friend, this was decidedly not the best outcome for Wendy herself. Wendy realized with absolute certainty now that she would never be able to lie down next to Bebe to sleep and wake up next to her in the morning. She would never know what it felt like to be kissed by Bebe or to make love with the one she loved most. She would always be one of Bebe's top _five_ closest people in her life, but Bebe was her number one. And that would probably never be reciprocated. Wendy knew she had to be strong to be a loyal best friend, so she resolved not to show her sorrow around those she loved. She would not drag them down with her, Wendy imagined, as she cried herself to sleep that night, clinging to a pillow and wishing it was Bebe. How was she to live with such an insurmountable, irresolvable feeling of _longing_ in her heart? How was she to go on knowing she would never have the one thing that meant the most to her?

Only time could answer that question and, as it turned out, time seemed to answer it rather favorably as the years went by and Wendy was into her late twenties. The nights of crying herself to sleep were terribly frequent in the six months after first having the love conversation with Bebe, but they diminished over the years and, by the time Wendy was twenty-nine, they were virtually nonexistent. Some grief still remained, but Wendy was growing to find some degree of contentedness in her life. Even though she was often a loner and remained a bit shut-in at times, Wendy loved her friends and family, especially Bebe, whom she still saw regularly. She had never come remotely close to breaking her promise to stay in Wendy's life as a best friend.

Bebe did have some more boyfriends and relationships over the years, but this hardly bothered Wendy. It was not all that different from what had been going on in high school so many years ago. Her longest lasting relationship ended up being with Clyde Donovan, who, like Kyle, was one of her childhood sweethearts from all the way back when they were in South Park Elementary. And that was the relationship that ended up being permanent. When they were twenty-nine, Bebe and Clyde decided to get married. Wendy was happy for the two of them and she put her own desires for Bebe aside to help her best friend plan the wedding. Red and Heidi Turner, two of their other close friends also had a hand in planning. All seemed to go well and on the night one week before the wedding, Bebe treated the three of them to dinner at an upscale restaurant where they had steak and lobster, as well as a cake for desert. Wendy was the designated driver for the night, since she didn't drink anyway. Heidi and Red were incredibly drunk by night's end and were the first two to be dropped off back at their houses. Wendy and Bebe had to help Heidi into her house and even on to her own couch. Bebe had had very little alcohol and so Wendy dropped her off last at her house. They sat in Wendy's parked car in front of Bebe's as it was nearly midnight that night and exchanged a few words before Bebe went inside and Wendy went home.

"I can't believe I'm getting married next week," Bebe sighed looking out the window.

"I'm happy for you," Wendy smiled sincerely at her.

"Do you still have feelings for me?" Bebe asked, turning to look at Wendy. When they were alone, Wendy and Bebe would still discuss Wendy's romantic feelings for her sometimes. Bebe always wanted to make sure her best friend was okay.

"Yup, still do," Wendy smiled, "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine though."

"I promise, me being married won't change our friendship," Bebe said, "I'll still make time for you every week. You can always count on me as your best friend. I love you."

"I love you too," Wendy replied, "Now go get some rest."

They said their goodbyes and Bebe went into her house. Wendy drove the next ten minutes to her home, in darkness. It was only October, but in a mountain town like South Park, that meant it was freezing cold. As Wendy got ready for bed that night, she felt a sadness creep into her. A sadness stronger than what she had felt in years. And then she realized it. Bebe was getting married now. The girl she had loved with all her heart for what was now half a life-time had decided that someone else was her soulmate. The longing had returned. The longing for what she could not have.

So Wendy did what she always did when she felt this longing. She threw on the warmest pajamas she had, went to bed, covered up in a heavy blanket, and hugged her pillow, wishing it was Bebe. By her late twenties, Wendy owned her own house, which she lived alone in. And with Bebe getting married, she had never felt lonelier. She wished she and Bebe were together, wished she didn't need these pajamas at night, that she and Bebe could warm their bodies against each other. Wendy wanted to have Bebe by her side, to hold and cuddle during the freezing autumn and winter seasons in South Park. But it wasn't to be, her longing was to be unresolved. And as she realized this again, Wendy cried herself to sleep one last time. By the time the rays of morning sunlight reached through her window and touched her face, Wendy didn't have a pulse.

After three days of no one being able to get in touch with Wendy, Bebe became worried and decided to go over to her house to see what was happening. Being as close as two friends could possibly be, Wendy had given Bebe a key to her house in case she ever needed it for an emergency. Bebe had yet to have ever used it, but she was more worried for Wendy's safety than ever before.

When Bebe entered Wendy's house and called out her name there was no answer to be received, so she continued checking the rooms of the house to see if Wendy was there. Her car was in the driveway after all. Bebe dreaded the possibility that Wendy may have had an accident such as slipping in the shower, but the bathroom was clean and empty. When she checked the bedroom however, her worst fears were confirmed.

Wendy's body lay in her bed, pale and cold, an anguished and despairing expression on her forever sleeping face as she still clung to the pillow she had wished was a person. Bebe broke down in despair, calling the police and reporting her dearest friend's death through tears of utter misery. After an investigation, the police could only determine than Wendy's death was neither suicide nor foul play. She had had no severe physical health issues to speak of either. Her death appeared to be the result of a broken heart. But in that case, it had been long overdue.

Bebe had to put off her wedding with Clyde for a month after Wendy's death due to the severe depression it had caused her. Then that month became two months, then three, six, and soon a year. Clyde tried to console his wife to be, but she was, by definition, inconsolable. Eventually, after a year, it ended their relationship. After that, Bebe was always alone. She wanted Wendy back in her life and spent the nights crying herself to sleep as Wendy had done for her. Bebe finally reciprocated Wendy's romantic love, but it was too late. The rest of her life was to be spent in grief, the longing that had killed her friend now passed on to her.


End file.
